My heart finds pain. It's like a magnet... if there's a new way for me to feel hurt, I'm there and waiting. Damn.

Friendship. Who invented it? Why does it always have to end there? And where am I supposed to go from here?

I've been playing games with God. Doing the, "I'll stay at Coe if you have so and so tell me they want me to stay." It's not fair to me. It's not fair to them. And it's not the right way to pick where I'm going to start the next year of my life.

"I have no confidence and I can't see why I should. But I could do most anything for you, and you know I would. I try too hard and then I give up way too easily. I'm the runner-up inside of you and you're the winner inside of me..." -Sophie B. Hawkins

All my life I've dreamed of a love that will last forever. One that starts when I find it, and will grow old with me. It will give me a contentness that my life so seldom feels, and understnading of things I never wanted to understand.

I always thought it would be easier than this though. All this falling, all this longing, all this losing and spiraling.

I'm a silly girl with silly day dreams. And tomorrow, after this longing wears off again, I might find the courage to smile for that which is not mine. Tonight though, I will let this dissapointment stay. Because I can't pretend it's not there, and maybe if I feel it for a while, my heart will learn to let go.