There was too much last night happening in my head and in my heart for me to really sit down and rationalize my situation. This morning, I'm posting what I wrote in an offline journal from last night, lyrics from a song that hit so close to home over the past month, and some very random thoughts.

In the midst of such great friends, I still feel so alone. I long for arms to wrap around me and a hand to wipe away the warm stream of tears gliding down my cheeks. Tears happen so fast and with so little warning that it gets harder to hold them back. I can't convince myself to listen to reason, and have no reason to stop from crying. Nights like tonight when I force the majority of my tears back into the depths they came from, a headache pulses and I wish I could just let them loose.

I don't know where I'm going, or who to look to for solice. I grab onto the few peopole who listen and suck the sympathy out of them until words can no longer be spoken to comfort the sadness that rages inside me. Lonliness and fear drivve at my heart and I don't know how to fight them.

I kid myself by pretending that if only someone - if only he - were there to hold me all my problems would dissapear.

I sure know how to set myself up for dissapointment.

Looking at those words now, I have no idea how I ended up in such a good mood this rmoning. But I am so thankful. I'm especially glad that headaches don't pass from one night into the next morning.

"Then an old familiar feeling
Wraps its arms around the moment
And he says so many times I've tried to call
Well you think you'd spent a lifetime
It's been two years since I've seen you
But it seems like no times gone by at all
There was nothing like a real love
To give you back the feel of someone just like before
And right there for a minute
I forgot that you don't love me anymore

Oh and how far we'll travel
For a place to heal our hearts
We watched it unravel
So why's tonight the hardest part" -Tim McGraw

I lied before when I said I wouldn't mention Jer again. This song seems to sum up the entire amount of what's happened over the past few months with him and I. And, just to clarify, it's not something I'm crying about anymore. I just really liked the lyrics, and the song, and figured it deserved some late recognition. (Yes, that's right- Mary does listen to a wee bit of country music.)

Anyway, I'm going to work on packing again today, and when I'm done with that I'm going to pack some more. After which I will probably study. (I hope.)
Oh yeah, and I'm going to my classes.

It should be an interesting day.