Today has been relatively good... of everything that went on, my mood was kept farily high, and I've been able to ignore anything that's come close to bringing me down.

My stomach is still doing flips. I'm so nervous about the end of this year, and I'm sad that it's ending the way it is. I mean, a lot of people I thought I'd be close to I hardly even talk to anymore- if we ever exchange words it's nothing beyond a hello. I guess I just expected things to be different. I imagined a big circle of close friends, or people who I felt I could talk to and hang out with aside from the three people I actually talk to on campus. And I know things could've been different- a lot of why I don't have a lot of friends is because I'm so quiet and withdrawn around other people. Still though, it tears at me to know that there could be friendships that don't exist.

I'm so glad summer is coming soon. I'm excited about getting to live in Seattle with Kat. I'll get to know her better, I'll get to know her friends better, I'll have a chance to explore the city and decide if it's somewhere I could really live, and I'll get to start over again. There's so much oppertunity there, so many factors that drive at me, keeping me excited. I have a chance to try to find a place to belong there.

When I was writing a friend a letter today, I took a page out from an old journal of mine to write on. I looked over some of my entries that I had written, and remembered how hopless and lost I had been feeling for a few years of my life. I don't think I'm so down now- and I hopefully will never get that low again. But I think a lot of the same longings are in my life now. I was always looking for a place to really belong, a guy to really love me, and friends who would care and listen and be there. The difference is that between then and now I've realized that I really do have better friends than I ever deserved, and they keep me hoping and dreaming.

I'm going to work on the whole sleep thing again. It's early, but finals are coming up, and I'm only going to get more stressed out. I'll take all the sleep I can while I'm still able. So, until tomorrow, I bid the world adeu.