My knee hurt tonight when we were dancing. It's been a good 4 days since last I danced or ran, and I'm a bit dissapointed that my knee still bothered me tonight. It makes me believe I should perhaps look into getting a knee brace, although I'm afraid that might impose on my flexability.

Dancing was a lot of fun, although there weren't many people there. One of the guys stopped to help me a lot on my technique, and although I'll probably not remember most of what he said, I have something to work on for a while again. Perhaps if I get these new changes down, my body won't feel so strained after a night out.

You know, it's weird. My focus right now isn't to find a guy to date- I'm trying to keep the summer to myself so that I can make a valid decision for where I want to be next year without too many outside influences. Yet... I find myself attracted to a few people, and dissapointed as I see them close with other people.

I suppose it's like that with a lot of people- you meet someone for the first time, and there's something about them that just makes you wish you knew them inside and out- but it's not something you act on, becuase you're not quite sure if the feeling is mutual. Then, everytime you see them from then on, you wonder if they feel it too, and you watch as they go through the actions of whatever their doing. Perhaps they start talking to someone else, and you feel a tinge of jelousy- they coudln't possibly already be in a relationship, could they? Your heart drops a little bit, but you can't take your eyes off them. That feeling is still there, and perhaps this relationship is something you're making up.

I was jelous tonight of someone dancing with other girls. Of the way he was close with them, and of the way he looked so perfect with every girl he touched. Yet, I know it's something I'll never act on- because I have no right, and because it's getting easier to keep a face of stone rather than turning sad.

This year I've learned the hard way that feelings aren't always mutual, and the girl doesn't always get the guy- even when she's getting signs from him.

So I wait, I watch, and I convince myself that I'm happy enough not thinking about dating. Then, I forget that I was ever jelous, and lose myself watching the dancing around me. And I start to believe it- dating is just one more thing to mess my life up. And for once, in the rarest of moments, I find myself happy without a guy in my life.

I'm smiling again.