This morning I had probably the biggest breakdown I've had since breaking up with Jeremy really sunk in. I cried for about 1/2 an hour, and then when there were no more tears left in me I sat and stared and wanted to fall asleep. I couldn't fall asleep though, because I have obligations to fulfill for other people. So I collected myself, and went to the grocery store. For the next two hours I held back more tears.

Shit, that's not cool. A girl shouldn't fall apart like that, there shouldn't be a need. But, there was one, and there continues to be one. I'm still holding back tears.

What exactly was wrong? I'm lonely. I'm confused. I feel like all my best friends don't need me in their lives like I need them. I feel like everyone has higher prioritys that don't include me. I know that all I ever really wanted was to belong somewhere, and to be included. I'm jelous of a girl who shouldn't matter to me. I wish I had someone to hold me in their arms and tell me I don't have to be alone anymore.

I don't know where to be this fall. My head screams that I feel at home here, and that if I find people I will be happy. But my heart.. my heart longs for the people I've already grown intimate with. And, although I always have them online, they're not there when I need a hug- and I can't be a big part of their lives when they only type letters to me over a screen.

My soul aches. I don't know how to soothe it, and I don't know that anyone could if they tried.

I just want to be at home, wherever home is.