I just finished watching Punch Drunk Love. That movie is on crack, and I can't decide if I liked it or not. Also, I told Alex I'd talk to him tomorrow night while he DJs. Although, I'm not so excited about being at a dance and not dancing... we'll see what happens. I really need my knee intact.

I've been thinking a lot about this fall. If I go back to Coe, would I ever come back out here? Could I ever be as happy there as I've been this summer? Even with all the tears involved, I don't think it's worth leaving this place.

It's so scary, when I think about Seattle, and Iowa, and everywhere inbetween. I wish I had love and support of people, along with their decisions. I know what feels right, and I know what my heart is telling me to do... but I'm not a rational person. And none of it really makes sense.

When did it get so hard to follow through? And why am I so scared? What will happen if I make the wrong decision, and who will I hurt when they get left behind?

There are so many people I love, so many people I want to be close to. But when I open my eyes, it really comes down to what makes me happy.

And here... here I'm happy. Here I have something I havn't had since I dated Jeremy.

Here I have a chance to live again....

And now I might have to leave it all behind me.