Although this is not who I'm supposed to be blogging about, I'm thinking of Jeremy again tonight.

I read one entry on TOD that talked about a loved boy dying a few years back- and how the memorys of him still haunt the writer. I read another entry about a girl that walked out of a guy's life because she loved someone else- and he just let her go, because he wanted to be happy for her.

My mind drifts back to the last time I saw him, in Fazolis in Rochester with Laurie. The twisting of that towel between his hands, the way he avoided my eyes. He was afraid of me, afraid of everything we had.

Now I'm listening to Guns'N'Roses. I only ever started listening to them because of him- and now their music brings me a joy not quite like any other. I can close my eyes, and think back to the days when I was his sweet child.

He had beautiful dark brown eyes. And the biggest smile I've ever seen.

He is so much still a part of me that I will never be without him again- so is the way of loving someone. You excange little pieces of your heart with them. No one will ever know me as he did- because no one will ever see me as a whole. Everyone now will see me with little pieces of him mixed in.

Tonight as I dwell on his thoughts, I know I cannot stay with them for long. I love him, and I love reminiscing. But at the same time, I need to live in the present. In this moment.

Right now, I'm remembering him. But I'm living so I can get to know someone else.