Why do I always end up feeling lonely? Even when I have the people I love most around me, if I'm already down it's too late and I feel like there's no one there to catch my tears. I dig myself a hole, and I stay there, sometimes dragging them down with me. :(

I hate the rut I get msyelf in, but I have no modivation to change it. I just keep thinking- if he were here- i'd be okay. But who is "he"? And why isn't "he" existant in my life?