The holiday blues. Every one gets them. Or maybe it's just the blues in general...

I do not handle change well. I cannot express this in a clearer manner. Change stresses me out, creates unnecessary fear inside me, and brings out the doubts I have about myself.

And while I know what I need to do, it does not bring feelings of joy and relief right now because it is a big change. Huge. And I will be giving up one of the parts I love best about my life right now.

The last month has been so much for me to handle that I can't do things I'd normally do to de-stress because now I feel guilty for them. I can't just focus on spending quality time with my child, because when I do that it reminds me that there is limited time left at home with him, which is depressing. So what exactly do I end up doing? I am getting some job applications filled out. And spending a lot of time sitting around staring into space, feeling forlorn.

Please forgive me for having such a hard time with this. When it is over, I will be very excited for you- I am already so proud. But right now, I just need time to adjust.

This is hard for me.