I'm not okay tonight. I can't really explain it.

I was talking to one of my friends, trying to explain how sometimes people just need to mess up, and all you can do to help them is let them know that you'll be there for them when they need you; because chances are if they don't want to listen, they don't, and their decisions are going to be made reguardless.

I guess it was kind of depressing, because it was making me sort of contemplate why I act the way I do, and why I'm able to help or not help friends when they need me. In a sense, it made me have to justify my actions.

That somehow lead to a stream of trying to explain how it feels to not feel like things matter like they should. Like, when bad choices get made, often people know they're making bad choices. It's just that so many things are going on in their lives that they don't stop to care that their choices are wrong until it's far too late.

I feel like I lost myself somewhere along the way. Like I left the part of me that defines who I am back at home, or maybe I never really had it at all. It's not that I don't feel complete... I just feel so confused. Confused about why I act the way I do, and why I am where I am, and why I can't just talk to people and have friends and be happy.

I have friends. Good friends. I wouldn't survive without them.

Now for the happiness.