As bad as last week was, I thought going home this weekend was really going to help get my spirits up again. And, for a night it did. Saturday morning however, turned everything upside down again. Laur and I went to find Jeremy, since we know where he's working. He was actually there, and in the few minutes Laur was talking to him, he looked just as nervous as I did. She got him to say he might call, and we left. All of Saturday afternoon and night I waited. Hoping to hear back from him. So, when he didn't call, Laur called his house and got a number for his brother; however, Jer wasn't with his brother.

All day today, and all day yesterday, I've just felt really shitty. I guess the whole Jer thing is really getting to me. I mean, he was the best friend I've ever had- the person I've really let see my soul inside and out. I havn't been, and am still not ready to let go of that. If he can live without talking to me, without caring, or wanting to know all the things we've missed.. and he's the person who's been closest to me in my whole life.... what's to say anyone will ever get that friendship and keep it?

TLC had a new song that came out called "Damaged", which goes on and on about how this girl is falling in love, but she's scared it won't work because she's been hurt so deeply before.

I'm not falling in love. After this weekend, I don't even want to consider the idea of crushes on anyone. But I feel damaged. Someday maybe I'll learn to let go of this. But for now, I'm going to guard my heart a little more.