After talking to Kristin tonight, I realized I'm really torn right now. This weekend, a few of my friends have been pushing me to drive home- and part of me wants to, but I'm not sure if I should. After all, I love seeing and being around my family. My little sister is one of the only people who can make me smile through my tears. And, I love them so much that the very thought of them makes me so joyful I find msyelf on a slight emotional high. But I do have things here I could be doing that would be a lot more productive.

A bigger part of me doesn't want to go home. I don't want to be torn between friends anymore, I hate not having enough time to see them when I'm home. Even when I try to plan out time for each of them, it never works. I'm always rushed, and we loose a little more of the closeness we used to have everytime I'm there and gone again. I hate knowing that even if we can hang out for one night, the next I'll be gone again and they'll be hundreds of miles away. I don't feel like I'm there for them anymore, and I want to be. How can I stay a good friend when I'm never there? And how can I balance my time so I don't get more stressed out from seeing them than I do when I don't see them?

I probably won't go home, because I don't have the money. And I don't know if they'll understand why I didn't. And I don't know if I'll understand it either. Because it's not right that I don't have time for them. And it's not good of me to push them off so easily, when I know I only have two days with all of them for the entire summer. I don't know what to do anymore. I guess I'll just hope they're doing okay, and I learn how to be a good friend from afar. And I hope they don't forget what their friendship means to me- because I havn't forgotten. I need them more than ever. No matter what kind of distance seperates us.