I don't know why I throw myself into thoughts like this, but here I go again.

It's really sad, that I have so many good friends that I take for granted, and just can't bring myself to be thankful for as much as I should. I feel so much like I let them down, and like I don't give enough of myself to them.

*sigh* I have a great friend online who has been the faceless comfort in my mind more times than I can count. He has kept me sane on nights when I thought my world was at an end, and he's always been willing to share his dreams with me. He gives me a hope that I often lose sight of.

I have a great friend at school who challenges my shyness time and time again, who trys so hard to get me involved with everyone and everything around me. Slowly, we've been getting to know eachother. I wish I could just talk with him for a night, becuase he's such an amazing person. He's so brave in ways that I could never be, and I'm lucky to know him. I hope even if I don't go to school here next year we'll keep in touch.

I have family who I love more than words could ever say. They seem to know when I'm feeling up or down, and they don't need words to send comfort. My little sister will be sad with me, and cheer me up like no one else can. My older siblings I have so much respect for, and I wish so much that I knew them better.

I have great friends at home who I know and love with all my heart, who are all finding different paths to follow and new places to be. They're the ones I grew up with. The ones who have been there to hug me, and wipe away my tears. They're the ones who have seen me cry, who have been there for me day in and day out. They fade a little bit each day, but we've got bonds that cannot be broken by time.

I have friends who I've been getting to know this year- some online, who are from home. Others who are at school.

All these people are my best friends. They make my world go round, and they give me a reason to hope and dream each day. I wish I had time for all of them, and energy, and a gladness that I could show them. So often lately I feel as though I've been down and depressed and have not even a smile to spare for them- but why not?

They deserve so much more from me... more then my fading smiles, and more than my stressed out up down moods. Could I ever give them enough?

If I could I would give them the world.