Ack! I want to cry, or puke, or scream, or collapse... just something, anything to get my mind to stop racing.

What the hell am I doing out here? In Washington, with my little sister and parents... all my friends and all my comfort zones... everything that's ever felt safe so far away?

I'm so scared... scared of making this commitment- three years is a long time to be so far away. I'm scared I'm loosing base with God, and pulling away from where He wants me to be. Most ofall, I'm scared of this new thing with Jonathan- I really like him, but there's no garuntee he's the right guy.

I've fallen so hard, and I healed. Now I'm getting up, and I'm trying to remember how to walk. But I'm so scared of tripping and falling again, that I'm taking it extremely slow.

I hate being this frightened... I wish I didn't worry so much.