I was talking to Laur today, and she doesn't think I was ever in love with Jeremy... she also thinks he was never in love with me- because she believes if we had been in love, we would've found a way to make it work. I almost want to believe her, but can't bring myself to do so. I think sometimes you can be in love with people under impossible circumstances. And, I don't want to underrate whatever it was I had for him... he, after all, was really the first person I felt anything for. He was my best friend- and I loved him.

I have a hard time talking to many of the guys I've dated these days... right now, especially Ben- I don't relate to him, and I feel like I never knew him. But Jeremy... we stopped talking because it hurt too much.

Thinking back, I know I was in love with that boy. I just didn't realize it until it was too late to fix everything that was wrong, everything that made us fearful, and everything that hurt so much.

If I could, I would live forever in those six months we spent together.


But since I can't, I've learned how to be happy with me, I've learned how to hope and dream again, and I'm figuring out where else I would want my life to go. I can't have him- but I can be happy still.