If I could live forever, in this life, as I am now.... I don't know if I would pass it up or not. Do I live my days now? Really, truely live, that is?

The past week I've done a lot of crying, a lot of reflecting, and have gotten myself throughly lost. I don't know what I believe anymore, but I've finally realized I'm not immortal. In this body at least, I will grow old, and die.

Tonight is the night, I think, that I will brave the articles about Jeremy's death. I'll look at the picture of his car, and I might cry. Or I might be okay.

Jeremy lived. I know this only because the time I felt most alive in my entire life was the time I spent with him.

If I were to die tomorrow, I would be happy with the life I've lived. I've had love, friends, family... I've learned how to be a little bit braver, and how to take falls a little bit harder. I've felt the worst pain in the world, and the greatest joy- at least, in my world. I've been happy.

I think I have a lot of life left ahead of me. I'm scared that I'm taking it for granted- because I already do that every moment I breathe. And, I don't want to go through it alone.
But, I'm never alone. I had him- the guy of my dreams. And even if he's not with me now because he has passed on, he lives in my heart.