I'm so tired, I just want to sleep more. I feel guilty, because I've been pushing thoughts of Jeremy away by doing anything and everything else, and by keeping myself around people.

I feel as though I'm not accepting his death. As if I'm saying- it's not really real. It might have felt real yesterday, and I may have cried for you, but it's not real, and you'll be there when I get home. Period.

It's not as if I saw him a lot recently anyway.

I'm missing his funeral. It's happening in about an hour and a half, I think, in Rochester.

I want to cry more, but I think I'm temporarily out of tears. My throat still hurts from yesterday and the day before though... and I'm exausted.

Also, I feel like everyone else needs me to be stronger than I've been able to be... they need me to be okay. So, I've been trying to smile.