Yipes. I feel like blogging, but I don't really have anything I need to say.

I want a kid... really want one. Yet, I know if I ever do have one, it won't be until a few years down the road.....

Urges like this have been hitting me hard all day. It makes me a bit spazzy, and plays with my energy levels.

I don't think I should watch movies anymore. They play with my head. The movie of the night, Dragonfly, really messed with me. It didn't spark any overwhelming emotions- but it was all about the death of someone. I don't want to watch movies about death. Or about dealing with death. Or about deceased loved ones contacting the people they left behind.

I just want things I can't have. Want to go back, want to force him to care and be a part of my life, want to not dissapear. I keep holding myself back from getting Laurie and storming to Fazolis, and begging him to talk with me and hear me out.

Maybe Mandy was right... maybe that dream I had was supposed to be closure- he kept me up for weeks straight to tell me that it was okay and that I was forgiven, and that he would've been a part of my life.

But people don't come back. I don't get a second chance- not now, not ever.

And all my stupid cravings can't be pushed away- I can't force myself to stop longing for his touch, or the distraction of someone else's life.

I'm shivering again. I just need to wake up.

and i lost it all, nothing lasts forever, sorry i can't be perfect. now it's just too late and we can't go back, i'm sorry i can't be perfect..." -random lyrics... anyone know who sings them?