Okay, I'm back again. I was talking to a friend on IM, and remembered what I was really going to post about before.

I had a bit of time to reflect this weekend. Which, I guess could've been a bit unrational on my part considering the sleep I've had, but I think I had a major realization.

As far as a certain boy is concerned, when I left I was having major jelousy issues, and trying really hard to stop liking him as much as I did. And since I've been back, most of those feelings seem to have acutally dissapeared. As much as I want to credit it to a month to myself, I know it's not the truth.

Since Jeremy died, I havn't been looking at relationships the same way. I really don't want to play games anymore, I'm not interested in my fairy tail dreams.

I know I've kind of hit on this before- I mean, there was the week when I couldn't even see a wedding anymore, but this is different.

My mind is so convinced I want something with someone. But my heart just isn't into it.

And, I'm at a fork- if it ever did happen, it would either berate the love I had for Jeremy by being better.... or it wouldn't live up to what I had, and I'd be dissapointed. Either would crush me.

:-/ Silly things to worry about, I know. Especially since his death is still pretty fresh in my life. But I wonder if this new serious outlook is one that will stick.