My fingers are so cold right now. And my face hurts- I hate breaking out. Right now, I'm breaking out on my nose where my glasses sit, and it's giving me a headache- but if I wear glasses instead of contacts, I feel like it hides it a little bit more.

It's silly how much I feel like I need to cover up things like that. When people look at me, I want them to see a pretty girl, and not focus on imperfections of my skin, or self. Yet... I know that people who really love me don't notice things like that much anyway. At least- I don't notice things like that when I see people I truely love.

*shiver*

Laur and I are talking on IM right now. We just had a discussion about how there are certain people in life worth waking up for... they call at like 3:30, or 5:00 in the morning- prime hours of sleep. But it doesn't matter, we'd jump to the phone anyway because it feels so good to be wanted like that. It's a sacrifice well worth making because you feel good about it, and you get to talk to someone you love.

I used to wake up for Jeremy. He was my last call of the evening- we'd talk till 1 or 2 in the morning, and my first call of the morning- he'd call me around 5 or 5:30 when he woke up to head to school.

Someday I'm going to have a first and last call of the day again. Someone's going to want me like that.

________________________

I hate how sometimes when the silliest little things dissapoint me, my whole attitude turns upside down, and I'm holding back tears. Because I can't change from sad to happy as fast as I can from happy to sad, and most of the time I'm not even really justified in my emotions anyway.

Like, this morning, after brunch, Kat told me she was going to go hang out with Chris for the afternoon and she'd catch up with me later. I got super sad, and tried to hide it and fight back my emotions, but it was hard.

Sometimes, I wish I was one of the guys who she loves so much, 'cause then I'd get one on one time with her too. But even that's not what's really important to me- I just want to spend anytime with her. I'm glad if its in a group, or one on one, or whatever. I just really enjoy her company.

So even though I knew it wasn't rational, because I'm going to see her later tonight, I still couldn't do anything but hold back tears.

Weak. *sigh* I need to get a grip on things like that. And learn how to stay happy. 'Cause I wanted to be.