This last week went by a lot slower and faster than I thought it would- and both at the same time. I had so much fun with my Susie, my little sister, who has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. We have been drifting so much the last few years- but still when I see her it is a relief to have someone around who knows some of the deeper part of me.

Tonight I am cleaning house, trying to get things done and prepare myself for the week to come. I have to start looking for a job- it is no longer an option to hope Alex will be able to support both of us- and deep down I still know he shouldn't have to carry that burden alone anyhow.

It is lonely still. It makes me want to find somewhere I can curl up and cry- but at the same time I can't admit that kind of defeat right now. I just don't see how we will meet new friends. How we will settle in to this new town and feel at home with our hearts. We love it here so far- still love the surroundings and the neighborhoods...

We are scared about expenses. Not only is the cost of living just as high if not slightly higher than Minneapolis, we are having trouble finding jobs that come even close to offering pay equal to what Alex was making before. And to top it off all of our other expenses are turning out to be much higher than before too.

Part of me wants to let the stress run rabid, tear me apart and eat through me. But I can't handle the stress of our situation, so I keep it at bay.

This has to work itself out. It is inevitable. But what happens in the meantime?