Last night was not a restful sleeping night for me. I was having dreams where I was working through problems I've actually been struggling with, and the answers I found were not the ones I was hoping for. :(

Reality sinks in.

Braiden is almost two. Alex has applied for school, and will hopefully get accepted to start in the Spring. We're looking at at least four years of classes, possibly more depending on finances, time, and the major he ends up attaining.

It would be very unfair for me to have another baby while he is in school. Which leaves two options; Braiden stays a single child, or we wait probably 7 years at least before having another child.

For a long time I've known I'm okay with the idea of Braiden being my only child; he is so wonderful, and fulfilling. I love him more than words can say, and was blessed to have him to begin with. But it is hard to push back the part of me that always wanted to have my own large family, with lots of kids.

It is good that this is something I'm coming to terms with now, and I am glad that it is not going to hit me a as a big surprise. It's just... it is hard to let go of those dreams.