I just finished writing a letter to Jeremy's family. *sigh* I'm still breathing, without having to remember, thankfully. But I feel a little short of breath now. It's just one step closer to making his death more of a reality.

Here's what I wrote:

Dear family of Jeremy,

I’m not sure if you remember me or not, but I dated Jeremy for about six months a few years back. I’ve been living in Seattle recently, but when I heard the latest news, I couldn’t believe it. It’s hard to imagine he’s really gone.
There are a lot of ways Jeremy touched my life. He is (was) the first love of my life, and the guy all others will have to live up to. We hadn’t really talked much over the past year, but I had been thinking of him and praying for him often.
I’d like to share some of the good memories I have of him with you:
I remember after I met Jeremy, we went to a friend’s house where we watched a movie. All through the movie, Jeremy wouldn’t stop throwing pillows at me, but I didn’t start fighting back until the movie had ended. Our friend Ky had picked him up, and started swinging him around by his ankles, so I figured it was my perfect opportunity to seek my revenge. I picked up a pillow to hit him, but instead he collided with me, and we both wound up on the floor. I had a black eye for about a month after, and I know Jeremy got teased for beating up his girlfriend.
We had many great days together at the end of that summer, after he turned 16. We spent a lot of time just hanging out talking, or watching movies. Often we’d go to dairy queen for blue raspberry misty freezes.
The nights that he worked, he would often visit for a few hours after his shifts ended. My dog would sit at his feet, and lick the batter from his shoes.
There are still marks on the wall at my parents house measuring how tall we were on various days… it was always amazing when we’d measure each other only to find we were taller or shorter by two or three centimeters than we had been the previous day.
I remember feeling especially wonderful around Christmas time that year. Jeremy brought me to share Christmas with his grandparents and family near Pine Island, and I had him over before Christmas to meet my family, cousins, and sister who had flown home for the holidays.
He was my best friend at that point in my life, the best friend I’ve ever had. He gave me the happiest months of my life, and I gave a part of myself to him.
My memories of him are as real as they’ve ever been, but fade a little more with every day that passes… I don’t even have a picture of him. But I will always remember him, and he will always be in my heart. I loved him.
Now throughout my sadness, I cannot begin to imagine what you must feel. I hope the few memories I’ve been able to share are in some way meaningful. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you now.

In deepest sympathy,
Mary Krueger

I brought the card out to the mailbox, to send it off... but it's too wide and wouldn't fit. I was holding back tears again... :-/ I hope it gets there alright. And I hope it really does mean something to them.