As you may have noticed from my recent lack of posts, it has become clear to me that Blogging no longer serves the same purpose in my life as when I started keeping an online journal.
It is getting harder for me to overcome the small pitfalls of job searching, as every rejection notice takes another little piece out of me. I hope I find something soon. And I think it might be time to settle for something less than what I'd hoped for.
Aside from that, I'm not sure exactly what in my life is causing me stress right now, but I'm not sure I could write about it here even if I did. I just know that I am ready for something big to change.
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Once in a while, after life has been passing you by, you're forced to wake up.
Your dreams fade, and life seems to go on without taking your shattered heart into account.
But there is always hope.
love my baby.
1 comment:
Hi Mary
I bumped into your blog because you have a similar url to another blog I enjoy. I've read through some of your posts, and you sound so like me. It was like reading my own diary!!
My daughter is six now, I was a stay-at-home-mom jobhunting until she was 3. Just like you i started out with jobs I could enjoy, then settled for any job i was likely to get. Just like you I had no work experience, and had no idea what job i could do effectively.
I was afraid to try out, and I didn't know why, and my husband thought it was about confidence, but it wasn't really, just i don't know what. I felt what you feel, about wanting to be myself, and not stretching out of my comfort zone. And I too am very unsocial.
I identify with your 'what if' thoughts, 'what if i don't go home, what if i drive into oncoming traffic'. I acted on it once, but fortunatey, it backfired and I survived. I feel you when you say you sometimes doubt your mothering skills when Braiden gets hurt. I feel that a lot with my little girl.
I did get a job eventually, I'm good at it. I'm not really sure how I ended up here. Grace, I believe. Some days it's good, some days it's bad. My daughter is six now, and my marriage didn't work out, but we're getting by.
Don't give up, or at least try not to. Focus on what you have, a home, a sister to keep you smiling, a child who adores you unconditionally, a good man who cares for you. It's not always enough to dispel the dark thoughts, but it's a start.
And look up www.bestfittype.com. Click INFJ, i'm pretty sure you'll be amused to see how 'normal' you are. Then go to www.personalitypage.com and look up the INFJ links. They'e uncannily accurate, and fun too. Take care, and chin up girl :)
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